as I have gone through my life, I have met many people who have shaped me to be who I am. Some have broken me apart, and some of them, have had the superglue, that put me back together.  I have felt a plethora of feelings over the years. I have felt love, happiness, depression, suicidal thoughts, homicidal thoughts, Genocidal thoughts..affection, anger, lust, jealousy, frustration…..

 

 

One time, I was angry for an entire YEAR.  A few of my friends told me I am one of the scariest people they know, because I can be in a rampant rage inside and smile. Like nothing wrong. OTher friends say–they worry, because i am one of the best people at “being happy”

 

I have “been happy” when I am beyond miserable. I am a real candidate for suicide watch..lol..nah I am too much of a coward to kill myself..I don’t like pain..Plus..If I tried…my friend Brian…would pop up outta nowhere and stop me..he is scary like that!  I am too wild..for my own good, and someone tryin to fit me into a DOCILE mold..just pisses me off more..I can’t stand gutless people who live by the books to be quite honest..means they lack imagination.

 

Yes I have issues–but–really..who doesnt????? My husband says all the time I have lost my spine…LMAO…no for real, he says it..if I found my spine..his bed would be cold.  Maybe my spine should stay gone.  Actually, my spine ISN’T gone, I just choose my battles. Not everything is worth fighting over….although there are things I will fight FOR.

 

 

i am a hippie, beatnik, vampire, lycan, fairy, wild chylde…I wanna go running through the streets in my knickers screaming my head off, and drink a bottle of Jack to my head.I am a mega amped-coffee fueled, sarcastic, bitchy dolly creature.. I am KATE. I am a flower, I am a pistol, ai am a junkie, I am a jerk…but I love EVERYONE I meet…i am me….i am you…I am them…..i am.

 

 

we dont question me.  BULLSHIT–we question every fucking move I make…always, I can never be myself.  If I were myself..id be put in an asylum. But it’s cool, I have had to develop so many personae…i don’t know who I am anymore, anyway….

 

I do know what I want–to live on my own, in my own apartment..on the west coast..in a tiny Oregonian town..called Astoria….where it rains all the f’in time and they have two seasons..rainy & wet…. It never gets too awful HOT, it is always comfortable jacket weather..and I felt SAFE there…..huh..go figure..:-)

 

ah well…

 

and I have lost the momentum of this post..Ill pick it up again in part 3 I suppose.

 

Advertisement